Oh! But there's two sides to a coin!

T: "I've had some experiences that show the other side of sexism. Raised voices about sexism but expectations of chivalry on the other hand.."

Men are increasingly becoming the victims of this sexist movement that emerged along with the Feminist Movement, which started around the eighteenth century. The motivation of this movement, that is equality of the sexes, has remained consistent, but interpretations of this motivation are often blurred by individual vindication and selfish interest, and with reason! However, to assume the worst of all men right off the bat is plain irrational. Personality cannot be predicted by one's gender, just like one's race or religion, and this goes both ways. Women are not victims because they are women, and men are not miscreants because they are men.

The generalized use of the word "man" is, in itself, a social problem. Not only does it subtly assert the supposed superiority of man over woman but it also proves to be a pain in the ass for men at various instances. Think about it. When we talk about a criminal we use the pronoun 'he'. Not 'he/she'. Never 'she'. Petty thieves and murderers to doctors and lawyers, the pronoun used is always 'he'. Why, even "god" is supposed to be a 'He'! Now that's a different issue altogether...

Why do we have seats reserved for women in buses? If you want to be treated equally everywhere then why should that seat in the bus be an exception? I refuse to make a man stand up from a "ladies' seat" just because I'm a woman. That's ludicrous! I am perfectly capable of standing, thank you very much. I am insulted by reservations like these and the ones that exist in educational institutions. Granted, I am from an economically stable family, and I probably have no right to talk. Boys are still given priority over girls when it comes to making a decision of who to educate over whom. Women don't have it easy, I agree. But why should that entitle you to a free seat over someone who may have deserved it more than you? Compensating for women higher up with reservations (which is just a fancy name for a bribe to keep people's mouths shut) does not solve the problem! (Surprise, surprise!)

If the problem of inequality has to be tackled, India's very social structure has to be reformed! Start at home, at school; girls and boys should be allowed play any sport they like. In my school, during band practice, none of the girls were allowed to play any instrument other than the flute, and the boys got to choose from a myriad (way cooler) musical instruments. I mean, what is that about? Treat your female kids the same way you do your male children. A girl has to earn what she wants just like a boy does-clean the car, do your chores, and you will get so-and-so. Teach both of them how to cook, how to drive a car, how to manage accounts, how to stitch! Why the fuck should there be a difference?!

(This has absolutely nothing to do with this blog, but I really want to quote my friend anyway)
T: "It's a good thing you're blogging. I'm such a big lazyass- I actually think about things to write but end up shitting it out the next morning"

Crying Shame

It's so much fun talking to A, my former roommate. I think we understand each other really well, although something prevents both of us from becoming really good friends. There is that comfort level; we have similar strong views on issues that are close to both of us, and certain pockets of our personality couldn't be more congruous, but our similarities also end abruptly at a certain point. It is very intriguing. I don't know if she feels the same way. I mean to tell you about how we met after a couple of months and conversation flowed from the very first moment. It was effortless and the topics discussed ranged from boys to the theatrics of Room 216 to religion to sexism! And sexism is what inspires this blog.

Everyone, without exception, is in denial about something or the other in their lives. My entire country is in denial about the dire consequences of sexism. We city-bred snobs try to push the dirt under the carpet, waving a casual hand, announcing with cavalier confidence that such things as gender roles exist and are perpetuated in "backward" areas like villages and towns. Large cities that are mainly populated with "educated and enlightened" individuals cannot possibly be infected with such retrograde social problems. Delhi, Kolkata, Chennai and Mumbai are all about "progress". One never comes across a rape case that hasn't on record that the girl could have been dressed more modestly! No Sir! This was the easiest thing to say, and I can build my entire "case" on this sensational social problem. But I won't. I want to talk about simpler instances. Instances that are conveniently overlooked by men and women even though some of them scream injustice at us. Instances that are common, more than rape cases are, and so much so that they have become traditional. Somehow what's traditional and what's right is grossly mixed up.

Scene 1: Teacher in front of classroom filled with girls. Girls waiting impatiently for the woman to say something so they can get back to playing sports. Teacher assuming superior air because she is older and "wiser", lifting an authoritative finger to tell us in a cautionary tone to refrain from "smiling at boys because they might misunderstand".

Scene 2: Eighth grade Science Club Project--making Indian pickle. Lab filled with girls, one of which (me) is confused and dares to ask the (woman) teacher about the curious absence of all the boys of the class. Teacher responding in the bitchiest way possible, "Why, are you so desperate that you can't live without them for a day?" Girl baffled, ashamed and sorry she ever questioned although it still didn't seem right that only girls should be subject to pickle making just because of their sex and because it was traditionally done by women.

Scene 3: Living room of a well-off family that houses all the comforts a 'happy' family can hope for. Picture perfect. Oh, but let's take a closer look! Dad and daughter having a conversation. (Now what's wrong with that?!)

Daughter: Dad, I've thought a lot about this. I'm sure I want to study abroad. America has an excellent course in ---. I know I want to study this! Why are you so against my decision?!

Dad: Because it's a man's world!

Milestone

Continuing from the previous blog..I've been here exactly a year. My roommate suggested going out to celebrate my "survival" ;) I had Chocolate Fudge Cake which I couldn't finish.

I am still baffled. I'm sure it was only yesterday that I waved a half-hearted goodbye to my family without having the courage to look them in the eye. During my flight, I had to sit next to a drunk (and smelly) American man. So much for a good first impression! ;) Studying abroad has been the best damn learning experience for me so far. I'm not going to expand on the things I've learned. It will diminish their true value to me and it will spare you of reading it.

Ok, so I don't want to talk about that. I don't know what to say, but here I am, trying to say something that will keep you interested. Now, that should not be my motivation, but apparently it is. I think it's the Nickelcreek music I'm listening to. It numbs my mind because their music sounds like rain.

Rain is the probably the only thing that can uplift my spirits irrespective of the situation. It doesn't matter what mood I'm in or what I've been through. Rain, and the sound of rain, is my cure to everything. Rain, a dark room, and melancholic music is all I need-It's my Nirvana!

One of my pet peeves (more like a problem) is that I can't stand not being liked, especially by people who I'm not particularly un-fond of. I hate being misunderstood, and I hate myself when I misunderstand someone. All this is in reference to my falling out with E who will no longer talk to me. It has been about eight or nine months since we talked. It's been maybe five months since I apologized to this person. What can I say? Everyone's fucked up, right?

Is it just me or is no one ever haunted by memories of their first crush. Memories? Hmm..more like personal renditions of a life where your crush likes you back! It is said that one is forever haunted by happenings in high school. Everyone wishes they could take back something that happened in high school. I am definitely one of them. But my first crush will always hold a special place in my heart because it filled my body with a whole bunch of endorphins, and because it was one of the best (and only?) unidirectional love affairs I've had :)

Don't Know Why

So "blogging" is new to me. Why am I starting this now? Whether you care or not, I'm going to tell you. It's because I'm bored of whiling time away watching TV or something. It's only been a day since I became jobless after a considerably long time, and already I have no idea what to do with myself! I take that as a good thing, though.
I am sorry to say that I cannot guarantee a quality blog, at least not this time. My brain cells have stopped working, it seems like, and my hippocampus is hibernating. I feel like I'm fading away...

What does one write in a blog? How personal can it get? I guess that depends on how personal I want it to become. How much will I let you in then? I don't know. Am I a self-centered prick to assume that you give a shit? Probably! But this is my problem. You just sit back, relax and read :)

I'm a cynic. I don't really trust people too much, including myself. Sounds pretentious, I know. But I'm in constant doubt of my intentions and motivations. It's very easy for me to admit my own dirty secrets and selfish motives to myself, but my biggest fear is suddenly realizing that the part of me that may actually be any "good" is nothing but a farce. And that I'm a fake.

I have a very bad habit of judging myself based on criteria set by society. I'm very much a part of this "society" so I'm not blaming anyone but myself here. Actually, I can't blame myself at all, but I can't use it as a justification either. It's ridiculous and impractical to live like Howard Roark, so what does one do? If you try observing yourself and the way you behave you will easily see that what you say or don't say, what you do in public, or don't do etc., is completely controlled by what has been advertised as acceptable or unacceptable by "them" (laziness prevents me from using a label less trite). Of course, picking your nose in public is gross! And you must be crazy to think that walking on the wrong side of the pavement is a good thing! How we eat, how we speak, how we sleep even, is completely predetermined, not by "god" but by us! Why is wearing clothes acceptable? When did that become a tradition? Why can you get arrested if you don't conform? Personally, I prefer wearing clothes and admit that I have completely surrendered to most social norms and laws, but that doesn't mean I can't think about how it would be if I indeed did not conform...

Language is the perfect way to see how change is the most permanent thing. When did "blogging" become a verb? Don't even get me started on "bootylicious"! I recently found out that B-T-Dub stands for "by the way". Confused? The "dub" represents the letter "w". Ha! When did "swell" go out of fashion? In India, we still use the word "thrice" but that's considered almost ancient English in the US!

I get a lot of shit for talking differently, all in good humor of course, but it has taught me so much about the world of difference between India and America. And to think superimposing "fresh and daring" American traditions on old-time Indian customs is a good idea! I realize that I sound like a hot-headed conservative so allow me give you an example to better explain what I mean. Take dating. Yes, it is certainly not Indian culture. Why? Because it has been taken completely out of context from the West and is thus struggling to be functional in an alien cultural setting. Children in India don't move out of their parents' houses, most times before getting married, nor do they start earning early on to fund college etc. American children are expected to be independent. Living with your parents for too long threatens to jeopardize your reputation! With this independence comes a right to live life the way one wants to. This justifies dating because children are expected to find their own "mates". If you depend on your parents for almost everything then don't expect to be gifted your independence! In India it is natural for, say, a 25-year-old to stay with his/her parents and it is also expected that the family take part in finding a spouse for the "child". Doesn't dating clash with all this? Of course, I am merely presenting a personal hypothesis of why the two cultures are clashing. Let me clarify that I am completely against arranged marriages.It's naive and stupid to think that a piece of paper can predict who you are and accordingly pair you up with someone who matches you on paper. It's a disaster waiting to happen. People are not predictable. Arranged marriages are an insult to human intelligence. Of course, this is MY opinion. I don't care if you don't agree with me, and I don't want to hear how your parents are perfect for each other when they had an arranged marriage. If they worked, it was entirely because of them and their ability to adapt to each other's flaws, and not because a piece of paper "predicted" so! Give them some credit!

Today makes exactly a year since I've been home. I left home on my mom's birthday. I forgot to wish her and for a birthday present she got my absence.